29 August 2003, 10:55 ayem
It’s a beautiful sunny
day here in the briarpatch. I got Mister Bluebird on my shoulder and the
daisies are all winking at me.
My friends Chris and Karen are getting married tomorrow. About time, I
should say.
28 August 2003, 2:12 peeyem
Another day in the life of my breast...
I had to go to the GP for my eczema the other day. He asked how the biopsy incision was coming along. I told him, quite reasonably, I thought, that I didn't know, since the steristrips still hadn't fallen off. He looked kind of shocked and said I should probably think about getting it off there, since the object is not to become one with the steristrips. The next morning in the shower, I lathered it up pretty good and managed to make it slide off. It was horrifying. The incision was not closed (no stitches), and not only was it not closed, but it was big enough to put a pea in. Only big enough for a little white pea, but a pea, nonetheless, and I didn't used to be able to put a pea in there.
I had myself a little panic, in the midst of which I decided I might better just cover it back up and not think about it. I managed to get more steristrips on there and cover it all with a bandaid, only it hurt. I called the breast center and explained what the problem was and the nurse asked if I could come in. Sure, I said, what time?
Now! she said.
So I hied myself and my breast back over there. I have lost all sense of breast modesty at this point. It has been handled by 9 people in the last few weeks, and I didn't know any of them before all that, nor did I have ulterior motives regarding any of them.
Anyway, they put a gigantic dressing over it and taped it down and sent me on my way with more dressings and tape and a prescription for an antibiotic that's as strong as Augmentin.
But here's the thing: It's not as easy as you might think it would be to hold a bandage on the outside bottom of your breast and hold your breast up and get tape on there. Because you only have two hands. And it's in an awkward spot. I managed to get it on there in a rather clumsy fashion. It looks like a couple of prepubescent boys went on a rolling expedition, but it's covered, and I guess that's all that matters. This morning I added polysporin to the mix, which makes it all even more of a death-defying stunt, because it's virtually impossible to get all of the polysporin off your fingers, but if you get it on the tape, the adhesived doesn't work. Finally I just gave it a lick and a promise and put on my brassiere really fast.
In other exciting news, I can start wearing my contacts again in two weeks. I am just pleased as punch.
22 August 2003, 4:11 peeyem
Where I have been all this time...
When last we met, I told you that I had to have a biopsy on Monday. The biopsy was not, as I expected, a fine needle aspiration. Instead they did a stereotactic core biopsy, which means that not only did they make an incision and put a needle down in it, they put a needle that was somewhere between the diameter of a swizzle stick and a drinking straw and sucked out little particles of flesh. It didn't hurt, per se, but the incision was quite shallow and to get the needle in where it should be they had to press and press and press. At one point, I told them that if they pierced my chest wall and punctured my lung, we'd be having some issues; the doctor snorted and said, "please don't make me laugh right now."
They also installed a metal clip in there so that they will forever more be able to find that spot on mammograms. In case you're wondering (and it was the first question I asked), it will not make the alarms go off at airports and in gummint buildings. Which is a good thing, because I don't much care to explain the whole thing every time I have jury duty or fly somewhere.
After it was over, I had yet another mammogram. I have been squoze to nigh on to death now.
As a souvenir of my adventure, there is a bruise on the distal underside of my breast that is the color of the outside of a ripe avocado, if a ripe avocado had yellow and purple swirls on it.
But it doesn't hurt and it's healing well and I don't have cancer and that makes me extremely happy. And grateful. I have had many, many good people thinking happy thoughts and praying and sending off wishes to wherever big wishes go.
On an also-happy note, here is a picture of little Sloane and her big brother, Riley.
14 August 2003, 5:35 peeyem
I'm sure that one day I'll look back on this and laugh...
The first set of mammograms
did not go as planned. So I went back for some spot compression, which
I have to tell you is like having your breast in a vise (pronounced VISE).
Then I got a form letter in the mail that said they needed to do an ultrasound
because of a non-transparent, irregularly bordered density.
If you've been following along about cancers, you might know that they
look for irregular borders.
Nonetheless, I wasn't freaked out until I went to pick up my films to
take with me to the ultrasound appointment. Silly me, I asked what it
was they were looking for and what they might find.
Then, by God, I was freaked out. By the time I got back to the office,
I was in full freak-out mode. I cried for a good long while, and then
I spent hours researching breast lumps, trying to find as much as I could
in a hurry.
This is the first time I have faced my own mortality. I have had my fair
share of OH SHIT moments when I have seen the floor rushing up to meet
my face or realized I was in a really high spot, but I have never been
suspected of having something that, if not handled correctly, would actually
kill me.
It’s a weird feeling, that first time you realize that you’re
not invincible, not immortal, not even very young anymore, and everything
is not under your control.
At the ultrasound, I kept wanting to tell them that my breast is attached
to my actual person, and while they see hundreds of them each day, mine
is generally not one of them. I also wanted them to pronounce my name
correctly.
Which is not to say they were mean or ungentle or anything like that.
They were just very impersonal.
After the ultrasound lady was finished, she brought in the radiologist,
who then did more ultrasound before putting a BB on my breast and telling
me I’d be having a third! mammogram.
Then they sent me off to wait in a room with about seven other women,
all of them also in pink cotton tops with only one snap to hold it shut.
We all looked eerily alike from the waist up, and the tension in the room
was palpable. The magazines sucked, but I don’t guess it matters
because I was the only one doing more than just turning the pages.
I had the mammogram and then went back to the waiting room to wait to
see the radiologist. I don’t know why I couldn’t put my own
top back on to talk to him, but it’s vaguely unnerving to be talking
to a fully dressed man you don’t know while you are completely unfettered.
He says I have to have a biopsy. They will make a little incision that’s
about this (---) big and they will send a fine needle in there and aspirate
the fluid from the cluster of cysts that they think is there. The question
is whether the cluster is just there or if it is within something else.
I pushed him for an opinion and he said, “My gut tells me this is
nothing.” I could not stop myself saying, “Well, what’s
your gut’s record on shit like this?” After he got over the
initial shock, he said that he’s usually right.
Trace went with me and hung out in the waiting room, and when I came out,
we sat there for a little while and she made the very good point that
if they’d seen something worrisome, they’d have me on a table
somewhere already, cutting things and getting them biopsied very quickly.
Trace is almost always right about things like this.
So. I am having a biopsy for lunch on Monday. I am expecting that it will
nothing but cysts and they will not be filled with anything that is red
or chocolate-milk colored (a distinct possibility, as I drink a lot of
chocolate milk), and they will put a band-aid on it and send me home.
I have suspended worry until it's time.
12 August 2003, 4:47 peeyem
It was a busy weekend. I spent an abnormal amount of time looking at antiques, and I took two naps. Sunday I had to call RotoRooter to come snake my main line, which is always a thrill a minute.
In the interest of keeping you up-to-date on our deceased heroes, I have placed a link here to a story about whatever happened to Ted Williams. Also, you might not be aware that Warren Spahn will be in town tonight to be celebrated as the winningest left-handed pitcher in the history of baseball. I had the good fortune to intercept a call of his a few years ago and had the presence of mind to exclaim, "Spahn and Sain, Pray for Rain!"
Today I am going to go get a library card if it kills me.
Tomorrow, more site updates.
8 August 2003, 4:30 peeyem
Addendum:
Henry,
Clean out your mailbox. I'm trying to send you something.
George
8 August 2003, 4:03 peeyem
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
I have had a very busy August.
Michael and Selena had their little baby girl, Sloane, on Monday, so I was at the hospital a lot. She is a precious little pink bundle and I love her already.
You might have noted some changes here. Over the next several days, I will be reworking parts of this site to make it more user friendly. I will be adding some photos I've taken over the last however long, and I'll be reworking the links area. I'll be changing some buttons and maybe adding a few things. Anyway, stay tuned to this bat channel.
Have a good weekend.
Living
in the
Past?
2003
2002
