Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. Gene Fowler

26 November 2002, 2:59 peeyem

The fun, it seems, never ends.

If you're me.

I spent two days upgrading OSs (free your mind, your OS will follow) and installing word processing software last week and took yesterday off, because I knew that if I was here to bea crutch, it would take three times as long to find the problems. And I needed the day off.

For the better part of the day, I got phone call after phone call and email after email. This is not for writers!

Well, yes it is. Millions of people the world over use it every day to write millions of documents. Are you now telling me it's all hooey?

Knowing how way leads on to way, I planned for this little meltdown. However, there was no comforting the afflicted. I (the comfortable), however, was afflicted.

So I came in this morning, prepared to ask some questions and pinpoint the problems. But I couldn't get answers to the questions, only breathy panic and repeated statements of I have to be able to write. It was like having your ears pecked by a parakeet.

Finally I had to say, "you're going to have to go somewhere that I can't hear you so I can do this."

How many minutes will it take?30 minutes ago it would have taken about 2 minutes. Now I'm so goddamned addled it might take all day.

So now I've put them back like they were and have to get new computers, because putting the new OS on the old machines is like putting an icemaker on a 40-year-old computer – it'll make ice, sort of.

22 November 2002, 9:39 ayem

Here it is the Friday before Thanksgiving*, and while you were probably in your office already, slogging away at the day, I was taking an impromptu, unintentional tour of downtown Atlanta.

You might think this would wig me out a little, but I'm so accustomed to being lost that it doesn't even phase me anymore. I have started taking Memorial Drive in to town, and this morning determined that I would go all the way to Piedmont before heading north. Only it's not called Piedmont right there. If you live in Atlanta, you're probably aware of how many streets start off being named one thing and then the name unexpectedly changes at some random intersection. So I determined that my right hand turn should be on Capitol, which, if nothing else, affords a splendid view of Georgia's fabled gold dome. Then I zigged when I should have zagged and ended up on some street I don't know the name of. I got to Central Avenue, which I recognized from my many years of not having a car and going everywhere the bus way. I also recognized Central because when I worked at the Atlanta Journal I used to walk that way practically everyday to take a typing test at Georgia State (I topped out at 120wpm) in an effort to get a job that paid more than $14,000 gross.

Central Ave. turns into Peachtree Center Avenue, which is home of those lions at one of the hotels. The lions are made of some sort of metal and they are probably great masterpieces from some terribly famous sculptor. I think they look like molded doodoo.

Anyway, now I'm here, upgrading OSs and installing software.

*Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, because I always spend it at Kate and Jerry's house with them and a very specific group of people, with a new person or two from time to time. We have excellent, invigorating conversation and everyone is pleasant and the food is a death defying stunt that's so good it makes you glad to be alive.

20 November 2002, 3:59 peeyem

I have said it once and I will say it again: Leave the designing to the designers.

I watched someone spend hours butchering a job which I could have produced in a matter of minutes. Then I had to go back and clean up the mess. Most annoying.

It's a dreary day here in Atlanta. Rain is coming down in a fine sheen and the sky is the same color as a paintdead silver 1976 Monte Carlo.

I need to give up refined sugar and flour, but I'm not sure what the substitutes are. I am open to suggestions on this.

19 November 2002, 11:05 ayem

I am so easily amused...

here's a little haiku:

the punchline to the
funniest joke ever told
is this: 'fuck you, clown!'

from this guy.

18 November 2002, 4:00 peeyem

Little Ellie George spent the night with me Friday night. She's one of the funniest people I've ever known, even if she is only 7 years old. And she has red hair and freckles, so everything she says is automatically funnier.

At dinner Friday night, the check came and Grimace and I both got out cards to pay. She threw her hands to her face in mock horror and said in a very sorority-girl way, "Oh! I forgot my wallet!" Her voice was dripping with honey and she sounded like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth (whatever that means). We both howled. She's quite the little impressionist.

Today has shaped up to be a really beautiful day, but it was cold as a welldigger's butt this morning. I have heated seats, but went out to warm the car up before I left anyway. This is eventually going to cause me a lot of confusion, because I did it with the valet key and kept the regular key so I could lock the house when I left. I'm not so worried about losing the valet key, but the real key is a frightfully expensive electronic device that you have to pay with both legal tender and a limb to replace.

Some man just called and told me he's missing page 11 of his newsletter. I asked was he missing page 2, and he said no, just page 11. I then asked was he missing page 12 and he said no. I couldn't figure out how he could be missing one page, since it's printed on both sides of 11x17 sheets and stitched and folded into an 8.5x11 booklet. I finally asked the right question and he said, "Oh, our home office gets one subscription and then they copy it and send it to all the satellites." I really wish people wouldn't tell me things like that, because it's a copyright infringement and I have to tell them to quit it.

14 November 2002, 3:28 peeyem

What a long, strange week it's been.

Tuesday I had jury duty. I felt like a very important part of the system, keeping the axle greased and what have you.

I had to get up at – brace yourself – 6:30 to get to the courthouse on time. The interesting thing about getting up that early is that once I get up and get moving around, I think, "man, it's really cool being up this early. I should do this more often." Then I vow to get up earlier every day, but the next morning comes and the bed feels so good that I stay put until the very last minute. But I've managed to haul my big butt out early for the last two days, so maybe I will do it more often.

Yesterday started out normally enough (except for the getting up early), but Trace called and said her daddy was being taken in the ambulance to Macon, so we went down there to see after the situation. I am pleased to tell you that Mr. Benny is going to be just fine.

And finally, my little friend Princess Betty is coming over tomorrow for a spend-the-night. I am terribly excited. She's one of the funniest people I've ever known, and she's only 7.

11 November 2002, 4:25 peeyem

Portent?

There's a TANK in my parking lot.

11 November 2002, 3:39 peeyem

Tomorrow I have jury duty, so if you're accustomed to hearing from me and you don't, you'll know why.

The weekend was mostly uneventful. I swept and dusted finally, and that was good. Saturday was spent at Lakewood, where I got a viewmaster, which I have needed for aeons. $10! with slides!

Last night Trace and I saw I Spy, which I gotta tell you, I enjoyed. Make what you will of that.

Back to the software mines.

8 November 2002, 2:20 peeyem

Oh, the shame. I got some more shoes. But they were on sale. And I have been looking and looking and looking for new black loafers.

The software hooha continues apace. I can't scan like I used to, but I have figured out a half-assed way to do it so that I can get the image into Photoshop, and for the moment that will do. Eventually I'm going to have to figure out how to Twain again, but for now, I 'll take what I have.

7 November 2002, 3:23 peeyem

I have, on a number of occasions, successfully installed software on a variety of computers. I can even take one apart and be reasonably certain it will work when I put it back together. Nonetheless, it freaks me right out to have to do it.

All appears to be going well, for the moment, but, you know, that's always subject to change.

6 November 2002, 1:21 peeyem

For my next trick, I will now install Mac OSX.2 on my computer at the office. If things go as planned, I'll be right back. If they don't, well, I'll be back once the outbreak has been contained.

And no, I'm not happy AT ALL with the results of yesterday's elections.

5 November 2002, 3:04 peeyem

On my way to the polls, I was listening to Mara Davis talk on the radio about the new electronic voting machines. For those of you just joining us here in the Sunny South, Georgia is the first state in the whole damn country to go electronic voting booths, which, in the end, will show us to be a) forward thinkers, or b) as unable to count as Florida is.

Anyway.

She was saying that people were saying it's fast, it's easy, and some people are saying it's fun. I don't know that I think voting should be any of those things. Voting is a serious matter and should be given due consideration and diligence. I'm not saying it should be an onerous chore, certainly it should be pleasant, but I just don't think people ought to be casting their votes without understanding the seriousness of what they have just done, without realizing the gravity of little-d democracy.

And I miss the nostagia of closing the curtain behind me and casting my vote, and knowing that my choices were, in fact, secret.

My friend Paul the Rocket Scientist doesn't trust the newfangled electronic voting machines, no, he does not. He contends that there's no paper trail, and he could walk into a precinct with an industrial magnet and wipe it all out. Maybe so.

Did you vote yet? If not, then go.

In other observations, I saw a hard plastic car on the way back from the polls. I'm not making this up. It looked just like a big cozy coupe, which I am here to tell you will tear up your car if you hit it.

One of the men below is not Bruce Jenner, if you were wondering.

5 November 2002, 9:37 ayem

Election Day...

Vote your heart and your conscience, but do vote.

4 November 2002, 2:16 peeyem

Leanne is writing the great American novel. I am writing the mediocre disjointed novella.

One of these men is a surgeon. Can you guess which one?

1 November 2002, 3:35 peeyem

Oh, it's just too awful. Not only do you have to be big and burly and athletic to be an egregiously overpaid football player, you also have to be able to dress yourself.

Last night at the mall, I saw an unattended shopping bag in a seating area near Neiman's. I thought the right thing to do would be to inform someone, a someone who would possibly call security. After all, if there were not a bomb in the bag, there was probably something that someone forgot and would want back. So I told a gentleman standing outside St. John (which, as far as I can tell, has feathered clothes for skinny people). He and his co-worker were discussing the very important politics apparently taking place among the staff in their store. He thanked me for telling him and then went back to his conversation. I interrupted (this time without an excuse me) and said, "I am telling you this because it is Halloween, and because, of late, there have been numerous attempts to wipe out largish numbers of people in public places with bombs in unattended vehicles and bags." He said if he saw the security guy he'd tell him, then went back to his ignoring. Finally I told him that I thought he should make a special call to security. Then he suggested I should find them myself.

You can imagine my horror.

I told him that not only would I find them, but that I'd be on the phone with his employer the very next day. So I found a security guy, who was also not very interested until I showed my tail a little and had a tiny little hissy fit.

I just got off the phone with the manager of that store, and she says it wasn't any of her employees, unless it was her security man. I feel like an ass. But where do you decide the line is for over-reacting to an unattended bag in a public place? harrumph.

Finally, Leanne and I are writing novels this month. Go to Leanne's site to see what the hell I'm talking about.

Have a good weekend. I, m'self, will be trying to put 15 pages worth down on paper, or in a computer file, at least.

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